<- Notice: Continued from 01XX.
Test 914-0200
Name: Quantum computing researcher Ling & IT-Technician Sharma
Date: 20/04/2018
Total Items: Two 2048 Qubit QPUs (Quantum Processing Unit) manufactured by D-Wave Systems.
Input: One QPU
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 2048 bead abacus constructed from silicon, aluminum, and ceramic.
The beads are arranged in four columns of ten rows, with thirty-two silicon beads in each cell.
When a bead in one cell is moved, a random assortment of other beads will move as well. No distinct pattern has been found in these movements.
Input: One QPU
Setting: Fine
Output: One 2048 QPU with "Output (Binary)" and "Output (Analog)" printed on the top left and right corners of the chip, "Input (Binary)" and "Input (Analog)" printed on the bottom left and right corners of the chip.
The binary input channel only accepts data in the form of digital signals like document files, audio files, network data, and computer programs. The analog input channel only accepts direct signals from radio, voltage, microphones, and signal generators.
The new QPU appears to convert input data in a similar way to SCP-914 in the "1:1" setting. Only one input channel will accept data at a time, the corresponding output channel will output data as a digital signal (file, network-stream, or data-stream) or an analog signal (audio signal, waveform, or radio wave).
Test 914-0201
Name: 2/███ Researcher Rook
Date: 21/04/2018
Total Items: Three unwashed wetland-area field suits.
Input: One field suit.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One unwashed field suit two sizes larger than input, with tears along the torso and left leg.
Input: One field suit.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One U.S CDC Hazmat Suit. Suit was moderately radioactive, testing briefly halted for decontamination procedures.
Input: One field suit.
Setting: Fine
Output: One unwashed field suit, nametag changed to reflect 3/███ clearance.
Note: SCP-914 is not a valid designee for letters of recommendation, Rook. - Mr. Jönsson, Site 19 Human Resources Liaison.
Test 914-0202
Name: Doctor Westrin
Date: 23/04/2018
Total Items: Three Ships in a Bottle.
Input: One Ship in a Bottle
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of glass shards and a pile of wood shavings, and a small pile of tattered cloth.
Input: One Ship in a Bottle
Setting: 1:1
Output: A wooden bottle. Analysis of the contents inside indicates that there is a model ship composed of glass contained within the bottle.
Input: One Ship in a Bottle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A glass bottle that contains a small model of the International Space Station. The model appears to be constructed from the same materials as the ship in the original Ship in a Bottle.
Note: I'm surprised it didn't fill one of the bottles with water. Or any other liquid, for that matter. -Dr. Westrin
Test 914-0203
Name: Dr. Rodriguez
Date: 24/04/2018
Total Items: A complete DVD set of The Office (U.S Series)
Input: The complete DVD set
Setting: Fine
Output: A mosaic portrait of Dwight Schrute, composed of DVD fragments.
Test 914-0204
Name: Janitor Kurt
Date: 25/04/2018
Total Items: Fifty kilograms of assorted wires, cables, power cords, and Christmas lights jumbled together in a ball.
Input: The ball of cables.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One jumbled ball of copper wire and one similarly jumbled ball of hollow rubber/plastic cable. The two balls of wires & cables have the same jumbled configuration as the input. One pile of about sixty light bulb filaments, sixty light bulb sockets, and sixy bulbs of various colors.
This… This is not what I wanted. -Kurt
Test 914-0205
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 26/04/2018
Total Items: Four sheets of paper, each depicting a state of Conway's Game Of Life.
Input: One of the aforementioned papers.
Setting: Rough
Output: A spray of black-and-white confetti, conforming to perfect squares.
Input: One of the aforementioned papers.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A sheet of paper depicting another state of the game. Examination shows that it's the next "step" of the input.
Input: One of the aforementioned papers.
Setting: Fine
Output: A sheet of paper with an ongoing game of life culture "growing" on it. The culture resolved itself approximately 18 hours after testing concluded.
Input: One of the aforementioned papers.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An amorphous blob of wood pulp, which reacts to tactile stimuli by attempting to engulf the object touching it, and which has successfully reproduced twice at the time of this writing. This product is awaiting possible SCP classification and has been securely contained for study.
Test 914-0206
Name: Agent Mikkelsen
Date: 26/04/2018
Total Items: Five Foundation standard issue clandestine audio recorders.
Note: These recorders are used during infiltration missions into GoIs, they are small & easy to conceal within various clothing and objects.
Input: One audio recorder
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of plastic kernels, one small copper cube, several small piles of metal powders.
Input: One audio recorder
Setting: Coarse
Output: One fully disassembled audio recorder, solder used for the circuit board found in wire form.
Input: One audio recorder
Setting: 1:1
Output: One audio emitter (single tone that changes with every activation of the device).
Input: One audio recorder
Setting: Fine
Output: One small round plastic disk (radius 1cm, height 7mm) with no battery slot. Recorded audio (seven days max) can be downloaded from the disk by connecting the top and bottom sides of the disk to the two wires of a microphone cable. The object records all audible vibrations in a 50m sphere around the object, including sounds beyond soundproof walls within the radius.
Input: One audio recorder
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One device with the same exterior form as a Foundation standard issue clandestine audio recorder. The device functions as a regular foundation recorder, but instead of recording local audio, the device records a random, currently ongoing, conversation between two or more people. No distance limit to this effect has been found. The device is currently used as a global monitoring tool.
Test 914-0207
Name: Dr. C. Jung, Research assistant A.Y. Lichko
Date: 30/04/2018
Total Items: Five Foundation Class C Amnestic Injectors
Input: One (injector)
Setting: Rough
Output: A small metal cube (aluminium), a pile of white powder (████████████-██████-█████████, the active ingredient for amnestics), and a puddle of liquid that ignited into a blue flame upon touch (presumed to be the inactive carrier fluid)
Input: One (injector)
Setting: Coarse
Output: One disassembled injector and a cloud of ████████████-██████-█████████ in gaseous form.
Note: Assistant was brought back up to speed regarding the tests with SCP-914 after a short rest. - Jung
Input: One (injector)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One decorative aluminium floral brooch (Catharanthus roseus) the scent of which causes the subject to lose all recollection of events preceding for at least one day. This "scent" is immeasurable and undetectable by anything other than humans and only works at a close range, about 50 cm.
Note: Assistant Lichko has been given a hazmat suit for future testing - Jung
Input: One (injector)
Setting: Fine
Output: One Foundation Class C Amnestic Injector. The object is mostly unchanged except for the two rotary dials that have been added to the bottom of the injector. The dials appear to indicate an exact range of recollection to erase (scaling between 1 minute and 30 days).
Input: One (injector)
Setting: Very fine
Output: [REDACTED]
Note: This object, if it even is an object, is a cognitohazard. It erases all of the subject's memory when it views the item. A cognitohazard containment team has removed it from SCP-914's output chamber. Research assistant A.Y. Lichko has been transferred to the infirmary. - Jung
Test 914-0208
Name: Dr Lachlan O’Hehir, Lieutenant Rueben GreenTree
Date: 30/04/2018
Total Items: 3 Pairs of 3D glasses (Glasses are polarised 3D glasses, which is the design that modern cinemas use)
Input: One pair of 3D glasses
Setting: 1:1
Output: One pair of 3D glasses, except with a brand logo on the side (Samsung), still works as expected with minor differences in colour (compared to original)
Input: One pair of 3D glasses
Setting: Fine
Output: One pair of 3D glasses with no obvious difference, when put on, however, the viewer sees any 2D image as a 3D image and sees the 3D world with a more stretched field of view.
Note: Using the 3D glasses in the already 3D world has no use, it just makes things look marginally further away than where they should be.
Input: One pair of 3D glasses
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One mask with lenses over the eyes, when put on the lenses redirect to align themselves with the viewers eyes, the viewer experiences the world with an added dimension, 2D objects like shadows or pictures become 3D, 3D objects irregulate and create a second version of themselves, within themselves, resulting in interior and exterior shadowing. Objects will grow a 4th dimension, rather than adding onto the (X,Y,Z) axis, the glasses merge a second (X,Y,Z) Axis into the original, the 2 merged axis create 1 bigger axis of (X,X,Y,Z,Z). The second Y Axis is merged with the original, (although any 2 axis can merge). This resulted in many Class D’s who were tested on to feel extreme nausea and headaches. One account that lasted over 15 minutes with the glasses on (average time is 3 minutes before the subject pulls out) said she saw sharp, paper thin objects that were piercing through solid matter. This is presumably 1D objects gaining depth.
Note: Items were put into storage as they may be of use in the future. - Dr. O’Hehir
Test 914-0209
Name: Chief Security Officer Wright
Date: 30/04/2018
Total Items: Five outdated copies of paperback handbooks (24 pages long) that were once provided to new recruits of Site security teams.
Note: God, these things were awful back in the day. I have a box full of them and I am glad to put them to use. - Chief Security Officer Wright
Input: One handbook
Setting: 1:1
Output: Handbook was rewritten to correct spelling errors, provide effective advice, and remove unnecessary information which left six pages blank. The cover depicts an ink illustration of a security guard. The back of the handbook has text that provides recommendations for other orientation material.
Input: One handbook
Setting: 1:1
Output: Ten brochures that contain summaries and outdated text from the orientation manual regarding lockdown procedures. Notably, all brochures end with "If everything fails, go to the Gate." The meaning of the statement is currently unknown.
Input: One handbook
Setting: Fine
Output: Each page depicts illustrations of contained SCP objects and brief advice to survive an encounter.
Input: One handbook
Setting: Fine
Output: Handbook is rewritten in Mandarin.
Input: One handbook
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Twenty-two animate origami instances depicting security personnel, and one instance which would take the form of an SCP object. They are incapable of vocalization and appear to be sapient, but requires further testing. Instances would attempt to perform a scenario of a containment breach, and demonstrate the appropriate actions in response. During the scenario, one instance would perform gestures toward nearby personnel to direct their attention to the actions being taken.
Test 914-0210
Name: Senior Researcher Rook
Date: 30/04/2018
Total Items: A packet of Field Biology’s internal memos at Site-19 (classified 2/BIO)
Input: The memo packet.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Several mission logs from Marshall Carter & Dark’s “Huntsman” assassination division. Foundation moles in MC&D confirmed the logs’ veracity.
Note: "There’s obvious espionage potential here. Let’s see how consistently 914 produces useful information." – Senior Researcher Rook
Test 914-0211
Name: Senior Researcher Rook
Date: 30/04/2018
Total Items: Fifty memo packets, as from the previous test.
Input: One memo packet.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Quarterly actuarial reports from The Hartford’s ████████ Branch.
Input: One memo packet.
Setting: 1:1
Output: CIA interrogation reports from black site "Deep Water".
Tests 3-28 omitted, full testing log located in supplementary document LOG-914-A8-B6851.
Input: One memo packet.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Anomalous Art History department notes on [REDACTED], classified 4/███.
Note: Testing suspended due to information security issues. Class C amnestics dispensed to Rook and other testing personnel.
Note: "I'm surprised 914 produced a more strictly classified information packet on the 1:1 setting. I suppose it has a low opinion of Anart History." – Senior Researcher Rook
Test 914-0212
Name: Researcher Blais
Date: 01/05/2018
Total Items: Three general incandescent light bulbs
Input One incandescent light bulb.
Setting 1:1
Output One fluorescent light bulb. When applied to a power source and turned on it produces a dim greenish light.
Note: D class personnel who were instructed to enter the room with the bulb applied, reported a general feeling of uneasiness and nausea. Further testing required.
Input One incandescent light bulb.
Setting Rough
Output A powdery sand-like substance. When touched, personnel describe it feeling like "powdered sugar". When the material is placed in a standard zip lock bag and shaken, a bright yellowish light is produced similar to that of a standard incandescent light bulb.
"Request to keep this bag as a personal light source in case my flashlight dies?" - Researcher Blais
Request approved - Dr. Veritas
Input One incandescent light bulb.
Setting Very Fine
Output One anthropomorphic humanoid light bulb. Object vocalized to staff in English with a slight German accent. Claimed to be Thomas Edison who is (erroneously) credited with inventing the first light bulb.
"This thing will not stop talking about its "grand scientific achievements" to everyone it meets. Request to gain as much information as possible about its existence and smash it with a sledgehammer?" - Researcher Blais
''Just incinerate it, Blais.'' - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0213
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 02/05/2018
Total Items: Five packets of instant ramen, including seasoning; five stainless steel pots, filled with approximately half a liter of water each.
Note: This experiment is a further exploration of the 1:1 function. No products from this experiment are to be consumed.
Input: One set of assembled items
Setting: 1:1
Output: One uncooked pot of gruel. The noodles appear to have lost integrity, leaving an aqueous grain solution.
Input: One set of assembled items
Setting: 1:1
Output: A pot of cooked noodles and a cloud of steam; the steel pot was hot to the touch. Examination showed that the noodles had been overcooked and would not be particularly pleasant fare; speculated to be about as desirable as consuming the raw packet.
Input: One set of assembled items
Setting: 1:1
Output: A stainless steel pot, containing noodles but no water. Produced sloshing sounds upon being picked up, and the mass was the same. The pot is also slightly bigger, suggesting SCP-914 added an internal chamber that now stores the water. Confirmed through use of power tools for puncture.
Input: One set of assembled items
Setting: 1:1
Output: An uncooked pot of pasta. The overall composition remains the same, but the shapes of the noodles have been changed to resemble macaroni. Contents were also marginally more soggy than usual, but it's not currently known if this is due to any action on SCP-914's part.
Input: One set of assembled items
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same set of items, unaltered.
Note: ''…Guess it got kind of tired of this exercise. Huh.'' -Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0214
Name: Janitor Kurt
Date: 04/05/2018
Total Items: One box full of old keys from before the site switchover to electronic locks.
Input: Roughly one kilo of assorted keys
Setting: Rough
Output: Cubes of various metals stacked in the form of a padlock
Input: One large brass key
Setting: 1:1
Output: One brass padlock (locked), unknown lock pinning.
Note: ''A key I never found a lock for, now a lock with no key.'' - Kurt
Input: One keychain (seven keys total + one keyring)
Setting: Fine
Output: Keyring with TSA (Transportation Security Administration of the USA) issued travel bag opening tools.
Note: These'll help with opening the bags in Lost+Found. - Kurt
Input: The former access key to the janitors closet
Setting: Very fine
Output: One metal credit card, VISA #4███████████████8, belonging to JP. B████ the CEO of Amazon.
Note: ''I guess money can buy you access.'' - Kurt
Note: ''You're not keeping that.'' - Chief Security Officer Wright
Test 914-0215
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 05/05/2018
Total Items: A piece of paper, depicting various proofs and postulates in simple symbol form.
Input: The aforementioned paper.
Setting: Very fine
Output: A complex cellular diagram. Basic deciphering has shown the original postulates are still present, along with no fewer than fifteen others with meanings that are not readily apparent. Secured for further study.
Requesting a copy of this for personal records, once we know there's no memetic effects tied to it. - Dr. Hadian
Note: ''Take it, that thing gives me a headache.'' - Dr. Veritas.
Test 914-0216
Name: Dr. F. Bascom
Date: 04/05/2018
Total Items: 4 granite stones, 2 kg each, 1 kaolinite geode
Input: 1 granite stone, 2 kg
Setting: Rough
Output: Very fine sand, sorted in piles of identical minerals
Input: 1 granite stone, 2 kg
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 hollow stone & one extracted seashell fossil
Note: How did it do this without breaking the original rock?
Input: 1 kaolinite geode
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 opal geode of the same mass & size
Note: ''Turning boring grey rock into a beautiful opal, I'm liking this thing.''
Input: 1 granite stone, 2 kg
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 miniature volcano with a single lava flow (1100 °C), Object cooled rapidly and the lava hardened in seconds
Note: ''I'll need to test this with a larger rock later. I should also make some x-rays of this volcano to determine its internal composition''.
Input: 1 granite stone, 2 kg
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 miniature replica of the Mount Rushmore National Memorial. However the faces have been changed: George Washington with Andrew Johnson, Thomas Jefferson with Bill Clinton, Theodore Roosevelt with an unknown female, and Abraham Lincoln with current sitting president Donald J. Trump. The significance of these alterations is unclear.
Note: ''I don't understand, who is that woman? A future president? The statue is very detailed though.''
Test 914-0217
Name: Researcher Blais
Date: 05/05/2018
Total Items: Two pairs of standard UV protection sunglasses.
Input: One pair of sunglasses.
Setting: Rough.
Output: One tinted pane of glass Dimensions 50x50x3 mm. When pointed at a light and looked through, the pane generates extreme hallucinations from the light source. Such hallucinations have included "dragons and smoke monsters" to "birds with blue flaming wings and horns like a goat". Hallucinations vary from subject to subject and seem to have no correlation to the viewer's mental state or personality. When the pane is turned away from the source, the hallucinations immediately cease and "reset" until turned back to the light.
Note: ''Multiple D-class subjects have reported seeing a "Deer with enormous antlers and crazy floating orbs" when looking through the pane of glass. Investigation into a possible connection to SCP-2845 is underway."
Input: One pair of sunglasses.
Setting: 1:1
Output One pair of aviator style sunglasses with mirrored lenses. Memetic effects occur when a person views another individual wearing the sunglasses. Subjects will exclaim and persist that the glasses are the most “extremely stylish” and “hip” they have ever seen. Further testing is in order.
Note: ”Definitely the most sexy pair of sunglasses I’ve ever seen in my life. I have to keep them if I’m ever going to get a date” - Researcher Blais
Note: ''Sure Blais, of course I'm going to let you keep an anomalous object for your personal gain. I stored it in the anomalous item wing for study. Don't ask where, I'm not telling you.'' - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0218
Name: Foundation mathematicians Cantor & Hausdorff
Date: 12/05/2018
Total Items: Three print-outs of the Banach–Tarski paradox theorem & three iron spheres, 3 kilograms each.
Input: One print-out & one Sphere
Setting: 1:1
Output: One print-out describing knot-theory & one iron trefoil knot.
Note: The knot has no apparent seams or welding spots, this is beautifully made. - Cantor
Input: One print-out & one Sphere
Setting: Fine
Output: One collection of five intersecting tetrahedra forming an icosahedron with a paper origami woven between the tetrahedra to spell out one of the numbers 1 through 20 on each of the twenty icosahedrons faces. The "1" and "20" faces are inked completely black, the other numbers are white paper. Rolling the "D20" has no observable anomalous effects.
Note: 3 kilo something makes for a heavy D20. - Cantor
Note: We'll use it for special occasions. - Hausdorff
Input: One print-out & one Sphere
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One origami klein bottle inscribed with SCP-3669-2, function unknown, awaiting O5 approval for the creation of an SCP-3669-1 to discern the meaning of the inscriptions.
One or two iron sphere(s). It is unclear if the spheres are truly two separate objects, or one object simultaneously in multiple locations.
The "spheres" are solid only to matter that is not the other sphere, they "phase" through each other when they touch. The sum mass of the spheres when separate is 6 kilograms, when fully phased into each other the sum mass is 3 kilograms.
Note: I don't understand these arrows.. and why is the paper klein bottle shaped? - Cantor
Note: I'm still unsure if we've solved the Banach–Tarski paradox with these iron orbs, I do know that they are giving me a headache - Hausdorff
Test 914-0219
Name: Researcher Thompson
Date: 12/05/2018
Total Items: 3 character sheets for the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, 3.5th Edition, filled out by Researcher Thompson.
Input: 1 character sheet for the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, 3.5th Edition, filled out by Researcher Thompson.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A log detailing the character’s adventure’s, including their victories in combat, interactions with other characters, skills they learned, and treasure they found.
Input: 1 character sheet for the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, 3.5th Edition, filled out by Researcher Thompson.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 character sheet for the tabletop roleplaying game Call of Cthulhu, Edition 5.5. Researcher Thompson, who is familiar with the game, remarked the character design to be highly creative and original.
Input: 1 character sheet for the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, 3.5th Edition, filled out by Researcher Thompson.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A sheet of paper promoting the non-existent tabletop roleplaying game Fear in the Foundation, 1st Edition. The paper repeatedly makes claims about the fun factor of the game but gives little information as to its actual content. Upon reading the entirety of the paper, subjects undergo an out-of-body experience in which they perceive themselves to exist in the game world. Based on subject’s reports, elements of the game are taken from several different tabletop roleplaying games. The game is also noted to contain several Foundation and SCP-related characters, items, and locations. Subjects will exit this state upon either dying in the game, or defeating the final villain.
Note: "I gave this a try, and ended up seeing SCP-096's face after rolling a 1 on stealth. If you don't hear from me within 5 minutes, I've blown my brains out." -Researcher Jacobson
Note: "Researcher Jacobson was later found dead in the anomalous item storage wing. Access to 'Fear in the Foundation' now requires supervision of at least one armed member of site security in case of visual hazards." —O5-6
Test 914-0220
Name: Dr. Lovelace
Date: 23/05/2018
Total Items: One AIC (Artificial Intelligence Construct) server with integrated battery pack and Alexandra.aic pre-loaded, One Dell brand lcd monitor, One Dell brand us-keyboard, and One Dell brand PC-mouse.
Input: The AIC server, monitor, keyboard & mouse.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One IBM branded server, One battery pack (external) connected to the server, One Samsung branded OLED monitor, One IBM branded keyboard with integrated trackball. A copy of Glacon.aic was found running on the server.
Transcript:
Dr. Lovelace: Alexandra are you ready?
Yes, let's do this!
Dr. Lovelace: Turning the key…
Dr. Lovelace: Let's see what we've got.
I'm ready to begin the test doctor, please continue.
Dr. Lovelace: What? Who are you?
I am Glacon.aic ver1.9.4, a second generation artificial intelligence construct.
Note: Right - Dr. Lovelace
Test 914-0221
Name: Dr. Hazard
Date: 23/05/2018
Total Items: One AP Calculus textbook
Input: One AP Calculus textbook
Setting: Rough
Output: Large shreds of paper and plastic in a pile
Note: What? Don’t look at me like that, school’s over - Dr. Hazard
Note: Hazard, if I catch you using 914 as your personal paper shredder again, I'm reassigning you to Site-██. Yes, the one on Antarctica. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0222
Name: Researcher Bunson
Date: 23/05/2018
Total Items: Six sets of DVDs, each set containing all 94 episodes of Himitsu no Akko-chan (1969-1970) and all copied from DVDs imported directly from Japan; two Japanese-English dictionaries; one printout of an article from honeysanime.com
Input: One set of Himitsu no Akko-chan DVDs
Setting: 1:1
Output: The DVDs now contain all 109 episodes of Sally the Witch (1966-1967)
Input: One set of Himitsu no Akko-chan DVDs
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two smaller sets of DVDs, each containing all 52 episodes of Magic Angel Creamy Mami (1983-1984).
Note: "I won't say no to free anime but this isn't quite what I was looking for." - P. Bunson
Input: One set of Himitsu no Akko-chan DVDs
Setting: Fine
Output: The episodes have been re-animated in the style of the 1988-1989 reboot.
Input: One set of Himitsu no Akko-chan DVDs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The episodes have been re-animated in the style of the 1998-1999 reboot.
Input: One set of Himitsu no Akko-chan DVDs, one Japanese-English dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: One volume of the original Himitsu no Akko-chan manga in Japanese, one set of DVDs containing a video curriculum on how to learn Japanese.
Input: One set of Himitsu no Akko-chan DVDs, one Japanese-English dictionary, one printout of an article from honeysanime.com on how to create "fansubs" of anime.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: DVDs and dictionary remain unchanged; printout of honeysanime.com article replaced with a printout of an article from themuse.com entitled "5 Reasons No One Ever Helps You Out When You Ask for Favors (Spoiler: It's You)"
Test 914-0223
Name: Dr. Gold
Date: 23/05/2018
Total Items: One interlocking metal ring puzzle
Input: One interlocking metal ring puzzle
Setting: Coarse
Output: The ring puzzle, fully disassembled into its separate rings.
Input: One disassembled ring puzzle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One disassembled ring puzzle of different make, pieces fit together into a separate puzzle.
Note: [Dangit], I thought I was onto something there. I was going to try engines next, if it had worked… One more thing to try, though. - Dr. Gold
Test 914-0224
Name: Dr. Gold
Date: 23/05/2018
Total Items: One disassembled interlocking metal ring puzzle
Input: One disassembled ring puzzle
Setting: Fine
Output: One disassembled ring puzzle. Object is notably more complex than input, featuring multiple small pieces engraved with spiraling contours. Object described as "Somewhat unsettling, but still very interesting."
Note: Well, that didn't work. At least we got something nice out of it. I don't know why it feels so… weird. Maybe its some kinda low level cognitohazard. I suppose I should get it looked over… - Dr. Gold
Test 914-0225
Name: Junior Researcher Martin
Date: 24/05/2018
Total Items: Two 300mL beakers filled with 100mL of distilled water weighing 200 grams each.
Input: One beaker of distilled water
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bowl of distilled water. Measured mass was 200 grams.
Input: One beaker of distilled water
Setting: Fine
Output: One glass sphere decorated in fractal patterns. Water was stored inside sphere. Total mass was 200 grams. The glass sphere broke into seven separate pieces when retrieval of water was attempted.
Test 914-0226
Name: Dr. Alice Forth
Date: 28/05/2018
Total Items: One tachyon emission device (functional).
Output: One tachyon emission device. Item displayed approximately seven hundred years of accumulated wear and was entirely non-functional.
Setting: Dial rotated back and forth repeatedly until the relevant item was inserted.
Input: One tachyon emission device, acquired from the Department of Temporal Anomalies following identification of the output.
Note: I'm not questioning it, and neither should you. Consider this an informal caution against using SCP-914 to alter chronotech. — Dr. Forth
Test 914-0227
Name: Dr. Crocker
Date: 30/05/2018
Total Items: one smaller replica of SCP-914, as created on 17/12/2017
Input: SCP-914 replica
Setting: 1:1
Output: A 0.5mx0.35mx0.15m copper pad with twelve 4x5 rectangles of twenty pins (roughly resembling a UK electrical plug’s earth pin) arranged in four rows of three upon one of its 0.5mx0.35m faces. Nearing one of the long edges of the same face, three 4mm wooden conduits each containing a solid copper dowel protrude. While neither SCP-914 nor any of its smaller replicas show a viable pair for either kind of connector, its design and means of creation imply that both machines may connect to an intermediate device or piece of machinery.
Test 914-0228
Name: Dr. Crocker
Date: 01/06/2018
Total Items: Three unassembled IKEA STEFAN flat-pack chairs, two IKEA STEFAN assembly manuals, one encouraging note written by Dr. Crocker
Input: One unassembled chair
Setting: Fine
Output: One “assembled” chair, having had its components connected together in a random, useless, configuration.
Input: One unassembled chair, one IKEA STEFAN assembly manual
Setting: Fine
Output: An assembled chair, albeit with the front legs and back of the aforementioned chair switched in places. Its seat has been heavily damaged, seemingly by a hammer or other blunt instrument.
Note: We’ve all been there. – Dr. Crocker
Input: One unassembled chair, one IKEA STEFAN assembly manual, and one post-it note with the sentence “you can do it!” written on it in HB pencil by Dr Crocker.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A 60cm wooden automaton resembling a humanoid figure that shows an obsessive interest in IKEA products and their assembly. While showing extreme enthusiasm towards being allowed to assemble furniture itself, it has failed to make any progress beyond aimless movement of furniture components in tests; object is thus presumed to be non-sentient.
Test 914-0229
Name: Dr. Hasid
Date: 04/06/2018
Total Items: 4 old papers from the notice board in site-cafeteria
Input: 1 logistics tips flyer from the Foundation Logistics Dept. "Filling every nook and cranny, tips for efficient transport"
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same flyer as the input, cut into a continuous ribbon following a Hilbert-curve (7 iterations)
Note: The flyer seemed unchanged at first, but upon pickup it was revealed to be cut into a continuous ribbon following the Hilbert space filling curve. - Dr. Hasid
Input: 1 Ethics Committee advisory against workplace romance
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 Wedding RSVP between Dr. ██████ & agent ████████, with SCP-173 as the officiant depicted in the background. Of note is that Dr. ██████ & agent ████████ were unaware of each other when questioned.
Note: The first test stuck with the theme of filling space… I have no idea what the theme here should be and find the prospect of scp-173 officiating a wedding to be deeply disturbing. - Dr. Hasid
Input: 1 pen drawing of SCP-914 on A4 paper, no known author.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 folded "pop-up" origami replica of SCP-914, seemingly made by separating the individual layers of fiber in the original sheet of paper. Blue ink accentuates the outer edges of the origami. The object was damaged when attempting to close the paper fold.
Note: Now this is more like what I thought it would do, the detailing on this thing is amazing! Too bad it crumpled when we tried to close it again. Dr. Hasid
Input: 1 printed presentation slide "Funnels and you" by Dr Gears, signed by Dr. Kondraki.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 paper funnel, with an intake diameter of 5cm, output diameter of 5mm, any matter fitting the 5cm input can be pressed through the funnel with minimal effort, regardless of the material density or composition.
Note: My department doesn't have the budget to push a diamond through this thing, but I did manage to thin out a 4cm steel bar down to 5mm with my bare hands. - Dr. Hasid
Test 914-0230
Name: Memory technician ██████████ remotely from ███████.
Date: 06/05/2018
Total Items: Two low level guides about amnestic usage.
Input: One of the aforementioned documents.
Setting: Fine
Output: An identical pamphlet with the exception of a page describing "class-Ω amnesics" used to completely erase all memories of an individual. They are described as simply being cyanide pills.
Input: One of the aforementioned documents.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A highly-worn leather bound book with the Serpent Hand's logo on the cover containing various cognitohazards that upon exposure erased memories within different time brackets.
Chemical note: The book seems to not be bound in leather, Rather paper with severely altered density re-arranged on a molecular level to resemble leather.
Test 914-0231
Name: Dr. Westrin
Date: 04/06/2018
Total Items: A small plastic bowl filled with Corn Flakes and milk, and a silver spoon.
Input: A small bowl filled with Corn Flakes and milk, and a silver spoon.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small item in the shape of a standard action figure. A small coating of plastic covers the item. Inside the coating is a mass of mashed Corn Flakes and milk. In one of the item's "hands" is a silver toy sword.
Test 914-0232
Name: Dr. Stern
Date: 08/06/2018
Total Items: Four A4 printed photographs of SCP-882
Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 200x148mm piece of paper in the shape of a zero or letter O. One similarly sized piece of paper in the shape of a capital letter N or Z. Several hundred 5-10mm triangular scraps of paper. One small puddle of brownish ink.
Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: 1:1
Output: One A4 sheet of paper, printed with the word "NO" in 83 different languages, taking up approximately one-half of the page. The rest of the page was occupied by angular pictograms arranged seemingly at random, which were reported as producing "a feeling of trepidation and discomfort". Subsequent investigation revealed these symbols to be a minor cognitohazard, and the sheet of paper was put into containment.
Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: Fine
Output: One inked origami model of a human in a kneeling position, hands raised to its head. When picked up, the model abruptly unfolded, giving Dr. Stern a shallow cut across the tips of three fingers and the thumb. The unfolded model resembled a human body torn into four pieces.
Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Although planned, this test was cancelled on request from Dr. Stern.
Test 914-0233
Name: Dr. Isaac Plumber
Date: 15/06/2018
Total Items: 4 physical copies of the 2018 video game Jurassic World Evolution
Input: 1 copy of Jurassic World Evolution
Setting: Coarse
Output: Plastic scraps.
Input: 1 copy of Jurassic World Evolution
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Blu-Ray copy of the film Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom; at the time of the experiment, it had yet to release in this format.
Input: 1 copy of Jurassic World Evolution
Setting: Fine
Output: A modified copy of the 2003 video game Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis; all features from the game were intact, but several models of dinosaurs within the game were updated to include feathers and other anatomical features known to modern paleontology, while still staying consistent to the design of dinosaurs within the Jurassic Park franchise.
Input: 1 copy of Jurassic World Evolution
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A CD-Rom containing software copyrighted by InGen, the company responsible for the creation of dinosaurs within the Jurassic Park franchise. Appears to be a management software for a facility similar to Jurassic Park, and includes the gene sequences of over 500 species of dinosaur and prehistoric animals, including plesiosaurs, pterodactyls, and mammoths. Testing of samples recovered from SCP-1265 and SCP-561 have confirmed that the genomes are approximately 50-65% accurate.
Note from O5-██: Before you ask, no, we're not going to be making our own Jurassic World or using these genomes for anything else.
Test 914-0234
Name: Dr. Mitchell
Date: 17/06/2018
Total Items: Three nylon American flags.
Input: One flag
Setting: Rough
Result: Several shredded, slightly melted pieces of nylon.
Input: One flag
Setting: 1:1
Output: One nylon flag of Poland.
Input: One flag
Setting: Very Fine
Output: American flag that is seemingly in perpetual motion, as if a light breeze was flowing past it continuously. Has a memetic property that results in anyone who is viewing it to feel extreme patriotism for their home country, not just the United States. This effect lasts up to three hours after ceasing viewing.
Note: Object placed in anomalous object storage.
Test 914-0235
Name: Doctor Guy
Date: 05/07/2018
Total Items: Three pieces of A5 paper with the phrase "Does the black moon howl?" written in HB pencil
Note: I saw this phrase on a few documents I obtained access to, something about it, I get the feeling there's something special about it. Hopefully no-one will care too much about this. Doctor Guy
Input: One piece of A5 paper as previously described
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of A5 paper with the phrase "Will the white star bark?" written in (presumably) 3H pencil
Input: One piece of A5 paper as previously described
Setting: Fine
Output: One piece of A5 paper with the phrase folded in the shape of a moon, completely shaded in with HB pencil. Upon unfolding the paper, a sound reminiscent of a wolf's howl was heard, but this was not experienced upon remaking the shape
Input: One piece of A5 paper as previously described
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One piece of A5 paper with the phrase "lol i dunno[sic]" written in HB pencil
Note: I get the feeling that I got lucky with that, there's probably a good reason as to why that phrase appears in some of the more important files I found. - Doctor Guy
Test 914-0236
Name: Researcher Jed
Date: 30/06/2018
Total Items: One gear from SCP-914
Input: One gear from SCP-914
Setting: Rough
Output: Failed to operate. Gear destroyed. A replica was made and is currently being installed
Note: A vote by the O5 suspended researcher Jed from testing for one year. SCP repaired as of 07/05/2018
Note: ''He did what?!'' - Dr. Veritas
Notice: ''In an effort to preserve SCP-914's structural integrity, and for the sake of Dr. Veritas' blood pressure, I strongly caution against personnel using its own parts in testing. Thank you.'' - Dr. Gears.
Test 914-0237
Name: Researcher Wood.
Date: 05/07/2018
Total Items: One vial of corrosive slime recovered from SCP-106's containment chamber.
Input: One aforementioned vial.
Setting: Very Fine.
Output: Before the refining process could begin, the test was interrupted by security personnel and Researcher Wood was restrained. The vial of SCP-106's slime was disposed off.
Note: I think I need to re-iterate. Feel free to test at your own discretion but for Christ sake use common sense. I swear, when I find Wood I'm going to [REDACTED]. Dr. Smith.
Note: Due to his failure to follow basic guidelines, as well as to preserve his own safety, Researcher Wood has been transferred off-site.
Test 914-0238
Name: Junior Researcher Daniel
Date: 16/07/2018
Total Items: One large cup of Coca Cola Lime recovered from a Burger King in [REDACTED].
Input: One aforementioned cup.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A cup of brown colored soda similar to the input. When tasted, J.R Daniels said it tasted like the input, but another researcher stated that it had some Granny Smith flavoring. Each and every researcher assigned to the Light Containment Zone at that time tried the cup's contents and got a differing result. The cup was later moved to the anomalous items locker.
Note: Note to self: In this world, don't take your own word for things. That was not a lime soda, despite what my tastebuds said. Junior Researcher Daniel.
Test 914-0239
Name: Dr. Melody Yew
Date: 20/07/2018
Total Items: 1 kilogram pile of sawdust.
Input: 500 grams of sawdust
Setting: Coarse
Output: A thin layer of ash covered the floor of the Output Booth.
Input: 250 grams of ash from previous experiment
Setting: Coarse
Output: Air was sooty, booth was otherwise empty.
Input: Airborne smoke from a fire.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A vacuum was produced, with air and soot at its the edges. It imploded. The force of the implosion ignited the air into an explosion. SCP-914 was undamaged.
Input: 250 grams of ash from second experiment
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A brilliant cut diamond, weighing 250 grams.
Note: Input that has sufficiently low complexity, and "refined" on Coarse and presumably Rough, is presumed likely to be rendered airborne. Input that has sufficiently low complexity and is airborne should not be attempted on Coarse or Rough, it is presumed likely that the result would be a vacuum, and may also cause dust explosions. - Dr. Yew
Test 914-0240
Name: Junior Researcher Summers
Date: 23/07/2018
Total Items: 1 plastic hair clip Junior Researcher Summers
Input: Junior Researcher Summers
Setting: Fine
Output: Junior Researcher Summers, with noticeably clearer skin, longer hair and a better figure. She was very disoriented, but otherwise unharmed. Junior Researcher Summers was apprehended upon output.
Note: She told us she just wanted to try with her hair clip. By the time we realized what she was actually doing, it was too late to stop her. Needless to say, she's since been terminated, and I hope I don't need to tell you all to not do it again. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0241
Name: Dr. Veritas
Date: 25/07/2018
Total Items: Three digital thermometers of the same model (℃).
Notice: I'm testing myself in order to see if the replacement gear is functional.
Input: One digital thermometer.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of electronic components and plastic fragments. Burn marks cover the parts.
Input: One digital thermometer.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One digital thermometer. Temperatures are measured in Kelvin.
Input: One digital thermometer.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: An intricate instrument with several digital dials that change when exposed to different temperatures and directions. One of the dials seemingly moves without purpose. The symbols do not correspond to any known mathematical object to count or measure.
Note: Found out what the last dial did. It responds to minor changes in the orbital trajectory of Mercury. Mercury, like what we used in traditional thermometers. Hilarious. After four years of working with the damned thing, it's still taunting me. Carry on, people. The next person that takes out a part of the machine gets fed to the first thing with large teeth I can find. - Veritas.
Note: After some concerns raised, we should mention that Dr. Veritas is not authorised to feed his colleagues to anomalous objects. We do however, approve of his… request to refrain from using parts of SCP-914 in testing. - Site Director Hackett.
Test 914-0242
Name: Dr. Hadian and Assistant Researcher Brown
Date: 26/07/2018
Total Items: Three copies of a letter, written by Dr. Hadian. Contents include a statement of identity, several traditional "ice breakers", and a short description of the weather.
Input: One letter
Setting: 1:1
Output: A letter of similar length, in Italian. Translation shows it to be a complete, if overly literal, translation of the input.
Input: One letter
Setting: Fine
Output: A similar letter, neatly folded into an envelope-ready shape. The contents have been altered into more eloquent sentences, but the meaning of each phrase is more or less preserved.
Input: One letter
Setting: Very fine
Output: A neatly folded letter, similar to the above, but the contents have been changed to a reply from a "Lux Plutide". Upon collection and examination of the letter, Dr. Hadian mentions that he finds the sender to be "most agreeable". No other recipient of this letter has reported any such opinion; as such, the document is being examined for possible cognitohazards.
Note: Bah, you just don't know what's good. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0243
Name: Dr. Rodriguez
Date: 07/08/2018
Total Items: One sheet of postal stamps with images of a common lilac
Input: Sheet of stamps
Setting: Fine
Output: One origami lilac assembled with the stamps. Notably, the origami smells like lilac.
Note: I'm keeping this in my office. - Dr. Rodriguez
Test 914-0244
Name: Dr. Lachlan O'Hehir
Date: 22/08/2018
Total Items: One Book titled "Romance, the beginners guide"
Input: The "Romance, the beginners guide" book
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The very same book with no physical changes. Upon 'field testing' its effects, lab technician Stocker found that by simply following the instructions in the book, people would find him more attractive, thus living up to its name.
Note: Field testing on co-workers is strictly prohibited and attempting to seduce a security guard will result in immediate detainment - Lieutenant ██████
Test 914-0245
Name: Dr. Anton
Date: 26/08/2018
Total items: Five Rubik's cubes
Input: One Rubik's cube.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of melted plastic, in various colors.
Input: One Rubik's cube
Setting: Coarse
Output: Twenty-one Rubik's cube components, later reassembled into an operational Rubik's cube.
Input: One Rubik's cube
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Rubik's cube displaying pictures of the Foundation, including the Foundation seal, an illustration of SCP-173, a pair of handcuffs (presumably representing ''secure'') a hexagon (presumably a box, for ''contain''), a shield (for ''protect''), and a white side reading “the Foundation box”.
Note: This was… unexpected. I expected it to shuffle it. -Dr. Anton
Input: One Rubik’s cube
Setting Fine
Output: No change a Rubik’s cube that, when shuffled, will automatically solve itself after being left for 30 seconds. This usually takes less than 3 seconds.
Input One Rubik’s cube.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A “hypercube” space anomaly. When Dr. Anton tried to rotate it, the cube sucked his hand into the rift, breaking several of his hand's bones.
Note: Firstly, ow. Second, I am not surprised at this result, a hypercube. Third, does anyone know how to solve it? - Dr. Anton
Note: Anton, we try to solve spacetime anomalies after we get out of the hospital wing. - Veritas
Test 914-0246
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 31/08/2018
Total Items: Three simple puzzle boxes, designed to open after a two-step sequence.
Input: One of the aforementioned puzzle boxes.
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same box, disassembled into its basic components.
Input: One of the aforementioned puzzle boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: A similar puzzle box, which could be opened with a five-step sequence.
Input: One of the aforementioned puzzle boxes.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A plain wooden cube An apparently plain wooden cube that opens if held with a vertex pointed down for more than 30 seconds, otherwise empty A complex fold-out contraption, made entirely of some kind of ultralight wood An anomalous puzzle box containing far more components and internal space than it reasonably should. Current opening sequence is thirty-four steps.
Note: And I'm still not convinced we've actually managed to open it all the way. Though I'm pleasantly surprised at the amount of storage space in this thing. -Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0247
Name: Dr Sheldon
Date: 01/09/2018
Total Items: Eight candles each 15 centimetres in height and 1 centimetres in diameter, composed of wax and a cotton wick
Input: One of the aforementioned candles
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of carbon, cellulose, and hydrogen gas
Input: One of the aforementioned candles
Setting: Rough
Output: Thirty pieces of the candle each equivalent in size
Input: One of the aforementioned candles
Setting: Fine
Output: One candle, seemingly identical to the input. Upon further testing, it was discovered to burn precisely forty times longer than it should have. The flame is steady and recordings with a high speed camera have shown no more than a millimeter variance of the flame’s dimensions. The light produced is in the 590 to 560 nanometer range, appearing yellow to the human eye.
Input: One of the aforementioned candles
Setting: Very fine
Output: Candle was modified into a ball of wax with a radius of ten centimeters. The surface, upon measuring with an electron microscope, was discovered to possess no flaws even at the nanometer resolution. Through further testing, it was determined that the “candle” will spontaneously ignite when the light in the immediate area around it dropped below the level required to discern colour. Upon ignition, the candle levitates to a height of two meters and stays there until the ambient light is sufficient for human eyes. The flame it produces lacks any heat and emits only light.
A second property of the sphere has been observed accidentally by a D-Class. Upon transporting it to a secure containment unit, the D-Class passed through the cryogenic containment units. The sudden drop in temperature caused the sphere to immediately ignite. The flame it produced in response to the sub-zero temperatures did not emit any light, but produced a flame with a temperature of 10,000 degrees Celsius. The D-Class was immediately killed by the extreme heat. Object is now in secure containment in a room with a temperature of 25 degrees Celsius and ambient lighting of 200 lumen.
Test 914-0248
Name: Dr. Shaft
Death: 03/09/2018
Total Items: One document affectionate by SCP-586. The document consisted of four servings. Each sentence collocates exactly one typo. Approved by 05 Command.
Input: One detective, stated above
Salting: 1:1
Output: Document was altered so that every word but one was a tire.
Note: The original document read as fennel: "This is a trust to see how 914 responds to 586. It will only be on 1:1, because other settings will arouse the paper itself too much. All we want to know is how 914 intercepts with the anomalous effects of 586. I surmise this will be fun." The output reality as follows: "Their it I trust two seed how 914 retribution so 586. Ill wit octopus blue no 1:1, before ether settings wall arouse throne pies Italy you macho. Apt wry woke yo know OS who 914 intercepts writhe thin anemone electric old 586. Sheath surmise thick wash bill fun." I don't know what's scarier: those horrid sentences in generation, or the fact that it knew my name in that last sentence. And that IS my nope, just in case this green piece of garbage does something stupid to the logs. - Dr. Shell
Test 914-0249
Name: Researcher K. Midaeus
Date: 07/09/2018
Total Items: A simple clock in a square wooden frame. The clock is covered before entry into the input booth, and the cover is removed while blindfolded. The key is also turned while blindfolded. At no point does any person in the room know what is being entered.
Note: The purpose of this experiment is to determine if 914 takes its information from the operator, or the nearest person with any knowledge on the item. - Researcher K. Midaeus.
Input: Clock as described above, under conditions described above.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A conglomerate shape comprised of spheres and cubes, where each sub-shape is comprised of a random quantity of a singular material used in the construction of the original clock. It should be noted that after an initial activity period of ██ seconds, SCP-914 ceased activity for █ minutes, after which activity resumed as normal, resulting in the output shape.
Test 914-0250
Name: Dr. A. Hofmann & D-47833-914
Date: 10/09/2018
Total Items: No physical objects. Instead, the test involves ideas in D-47833-914's mind. D-47833-914 will project the visualisation of an object into the input chamber.
Input: One (imaginary) incandescent light bulb.
Setting: 1:1
Output: According to D-47833-914: One empty oil lamp made of glass with a metallic wick. D-47833-914 lost consciousness shortly after the test and remains in the infirmary.
Test 914-0251
Name: Junior Researcher Pals
Date: 14/09/2018
Total Items: Four bottles of hand sanitizer.
Input: One bottle of hand sanitizer
Setting: Coarse
Output: An empty hand sanitizer bottle, a puddle of hand sanitizer, a spring, a pump dispenser, and a removed logo sticker.
Input: One bottle of hand sanitizer
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bottle of soap, with the words “SOAP” printed on the front. Output smelled of ethyl alcohol.
Note: Okay, but soap needs water to work, so… -Junior Researcher Pals
Input: Two bottles of hand sanitizer
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large bottle of hand sanitizer, mass equivalent to initial input. On the front is a sticker that reads as follows:
NEW DELUXE EXTRA LARGE SCP-914 HAND SANITIZER! KILLS 199.8% OF GERMS!
Note: Could it be? Has 914 made something useful for once? Scratch that. Apparently 914’s idea of what “germs” are also includes human skin, so now I have chemical burns.
Note: Frankly, I think you walked right into that one. -Junior Researcher Beatrice
Test 914-0252
Name: Dr. Daniels
Date: █/██/20██
Total Items: Five bottles of standard chemotherapy medicine, containing fifteen pills each.
Input: Chemotherapy bottle
Setting: Coarse
Output: Molten plastic and various chemicals similar to those used in chemotherapy.
Input: Chemotherapy bottle
Setting: Rough
Output: Three pills of an unknown substance, shown to lightly patch wounds when swallowed.
Input: Chemotherapy bottle
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bottle of fifteen HIV medication pills.
Input: Chemotherapy bottle
Setting: Fine
Output: One pill visually similar to SCP-500-1. When tested on a subject with multiple diseases including cancer, it cured the subject's cancer but not the other diseases. The pill also removed a scar on the subject's left cheek.
Input: Chemotherapy bottle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pitch black bottle with no lid or label filled with ten pills all glowing an aura of unique colors. When swallowed, the subject's pupils change to the color of the pill. Approximately twenty hours after consumption, the subject will begin glowing on the skin of the same color as the pill consumed. An hour later, the subject slowly collapses into colored dust again resembling the color of the pill consumed. The dust has no recognizable chemical solution. Four pills were used in testing, one pill colored white mysteriously dissapeared while unwatched, and the remaining five pills are stored in the container in a standard containment locker. Awaiting classification if voted necessary.
Test 914-0253
Name: Dr. Flux
Date: 14/09/2018
Total Items: "Preserving the veil from the outside" - An educational pamphlet given to sapient objects in containment that have little to no understanding of The Foundation and the importance of it's mission.
Input: One of the aforementioned pamphlets.
Setting: 1:1
Output: "Mission RANGO LEPSIN FIFTY EIGHT" - A pamphlet directed at an unknown group of humanoid entities living in extra-dimensional space seemingly made by the Global Occult Coalition. Notably mentions something called "Euclid's Hammer" and threatens to activate it if the unknown entities ever attempt to reach Earth. The document explains "Euclid's Hammer" as a paratechnological device that reverts dimensional anomalies to normal space destroying everything inside.
Needless to say it is very concerning that the GOC has this. While The Foundation shouldn't necessarily control all paratech the GOC is very fond of weaponizing it which is frankly almost always a terrible fucking idea unless utterly necessary, and even then it's just because the alternative manages to be even worse. - Agent [REDACTED]
Input: One of the aforementioned pamphlets.
Setting: 1:1
Output: "Preserving the veil from the middle" - A pamphlet directed at Foundation containment maintenance staff explaining the importance of protecting sapient objects from outside forces.
SCP-914 does not show any notable bias in this document, indicating several possibilities. It is possible that SCP-914 simply does not have the emotional capability to care about it and other SCPs' status. While SCP-914 seems at times to be entertained by manipulating it's output it has never been noted to attempt communication meaning that it may only the ability to use output as "tools" rather than an information medium. SCP-914 may also just not understand communication on any level, assuming that it understands anything at all. A less likely but still worth noting possibility is that SCP-914's interests are aligned with The Foundation's. - Dr. █████ ██████
Input: One of the aforementioned pamphlets.
Setting: Fine
Output: Several pamphlets containing [DATA EXPUNGED] that when observed is intended to cause those who observe them to see nothing unethical on any level with The Foundation's practices. The hazards did not actually seem to work indicating that SCP-914 could not bypass [DATA EXPUNGED]. Further testing of this nature is advised against.
Test 914-0254
Name： Dr.Tayler
Date： 19/09/2018
Total Items：SCP-____-J
Input：SCP-____-J
Setting：
Output：
I will do the experiment later, I promise. - Dr.Tayler
Test 914-0255
Name: Researcher Valentine
Date: 21/09/2018
Total Items: Four $50 USD Steam gift cards
Input: One of the aforementioned cards.
Setting: Coarse
Output: White sheet of polyvinyl chloride (approximately same size as gift card), large puddle of ink, several small puddles of coloured dye.
Input: One of the aforementioned cards.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Club Penguin 1-year membership gift card.
Why did you have to remind me? -Researcher Valentine
Input: One of the aforementioned cards.
Setting: Fine
Output: A 500 dollar note of Monopoly money.
Input: One of the aforementioned cards.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A gift card for the fictional company 'Save 4 Less', entitling the user to a lifetime supply of diet cola.
Test 914-0256
My last experiment determined the source of information, and Dr Hofmann's experiment determined that you could manipulate that source. Let's see if we can't 'customise' our outputs. -Researcher K. Midaeus
Name: Researcher K. Midaeus
Date: 21/09/2018
Total Items: A single block of brass, weighing 0.5 kilograms. SCP-914 is operated by a Class D, and the block is placed in the input booth out of their sight.
Input: Block described above.
Information given to operator: a brass mechanical clock, unwound.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A set of over-complicated brass mechanical pens, drained of ink. Class D personnel entered a coma for the next twelve hours, and was unable to recall the experiment.
Test 914-0257
Name: Dr. Anton
Date: 23/09/2018
Total items: Four model solar systems. All models are consistent, with plastic spheres representing the planets, and an iron base.
Note: I got these models looking around the Site-19 lost and found. -Dr.Anton
Input: One model solar system
Setting: Coarse
Output: Nine plastic spheres, melted ink, and the model’s stand. Four of the spheres were ejected at high velocity, injuring Dr. Anton. Experiment resumed 30 minutes later.
Input: One model solar system
Setting: 1:1
Output: No change the output model contains Pluto as well as the rest of the planets. Jupiter is noticeably smaller, presumably to account for the added mass.
Note: recently, debates began about Pluto’s position about a dwarf planet. It's interesting how SCP-914 picked up on it. -Dr. Anton.
Input: One model solar system
Setting: Fine
Output: A iron “core”, surrounded by several thousand tiny plastic spheres, suspended in the air via unknown means relative to the iron “core”, appearing as a Spiral Galaxy. Despite the levitation effects, the plastic’s weight still registers on a scale. Further analysis shows it is a model of the Andromeda Galaxy.
Input: One model solar system
Setting Very Fine
Output: An iron cube, with a plastic “lens”. The cube has several buttons on the side of it. The device operates without an external power source. It projects a hologram of any region of space the user wants, allowing them to zoom in on an area using it.
Note: Dr. Anton spent 30 minutes experimenting with the device and discovered [DATA EXPUNGED]. object was incinerated, and all involved personnel were given class-C amnestics.
Note: Oh come on! I finally get something cool, and this happens. - Dr. Anton
Note 2: You do know messing with classified information is rather serious, correct? - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0258
Name: Dr. Xerial
Date: 25/09/2018
Total items: Three pictures of various SCP objects.
Input: One picture of SCP-1048.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One picture of SCP-2295.
Input: One picture of SCP-639.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One picture of SCP-933-02.
Input: One picture of SCP-173.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One picture of SCP-096.
Note: Oh shit. - Dr. Xerial
Note 2: Someone write up the cause of death as ''natural selection''. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0259
Name: Dr. Vonn
Date: 26/09/2018
Total items: Five Tamagotchi Digital Pets.
Note: I bought these off Ebay 5 years ago, all of them are still in their boxes.
Input: One Tamagotchi Digital Pet.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of crushed metal and molten plastic.
Input: One Tamagotchi Digital Pet.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One Tamagotchi Digital Pet with scratches on the surface and the stickers worn out.
Input: One Tamagotchi Digital Pet.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Tamagotchi Classic.
Input: One Tamagotchi Digital Pet.
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, sapient dog constructed with metal and plastic, with a similar structure to that of a Shih Tzu. Object is capable of nodding 'yes' or 'no' to basic questions and is very affectionate.
Input: One Tamagotchi Digital Pet.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED].
Note: Can I keep Output #4? Please? I've already named it. - Dr. Vonn
Test 914-0260
Name: Dr. Wilson
Date: ██/09/2018
Total items: Five ██████ brand cigarette packet retrieved from the contraband locker at site ██.
Input: One ██████ brand cigarette packet.
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of shredded paper with trace amounts of tabbaco.
Input: One ██████ brand cigarette packet.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A stack of paper approximately 1/8 th the size of an A4 sheet of paper, a small pile of tabbaco, and a small puddle of ink.
Input: One ██████ brand cigarette packet.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One ██████ brand cigarette packet.
It should be noted that this specific packet is no longer printed making this packet drastically more valuable.
Input: One ██████ brand cigarette packet.
Setting: Fine
Output: One ██████ brand cigarette packet. When tested with D class personnel it was revealed that the cigarettes had none adverse effects the regular cigarettes came with.
"I bet we could sell this if the machine wasn't so damn unpredictable" - Researcher Bloggs
Input: One ██████ brand cigarette packet.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small origami dragon A sapient dragon, comprised of paper and cardboard. It flew out of the output section when D class personnel approached it. The dragon was placed in containment but died hours later, examination of the the corpse revealed the dragon died of lung cancer.
"That stupid dragon coughed smoke all over me, my eyes still sting a little" - D-38611
Test 914-0261
Name: Dr. Devant. Thaumatology researcher.
I hope to find answers where Dr. Mason only found SCP-914 messing with him. - Dr. Devant
Date: 03/10/2018
Total Items: 5 Thaumatologicaly crafted letters (acting as a tracking beacons) in envelopes that will remotely write the path taken on an associated paper sheet outside of SCP-914. These letters are also sealed close with special trigger symbols in sealing wax that, when traversing boundaries of realities or alternate universes, will trigger the associated wax candles outside of SCP-914 to light themselves.
Input: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of cinnabar, a tiny beeswax honeycomb structure, scraps of paper and a small pile of glitter (presumed to be the thaumatological writing from the letter).
Notes: The candle did not light, an outline of a human face was drawn on the paper sheet.
Yes! we're getting somewhere. No way this drawing could form the Foundation logo. - Dr. Devant
Input: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 unfolded envelope (no visible markings), one letter with SCP-3669-2 notation in glittery black ink. One unbroken wax seal with the stylized initials C.F. stamped on it.
Notes: The candle did not light, the paper showed a zig-zagging pattern being drawn across it.
The arrows on the letter do not match the chaotic movement on the paper. I'll have the letter analysed by another department. - Dr. Devant
Input: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A punch card labeled "FORTRAN STATEMENT" wherein 688 of the 800 positions were punched. Each of the punched holes had a shape of thaumatological significance. The surface of the card feels "waxy" and has a slight glitter like glint to it. The nature of the program on the card is being analysed by the anomalous computing dept.
Notes: The candle produced a small puff of smoke, but did not light. On the sheet of paper a pair of human eyes were drawn.
While the results of the candle were inconclusive, SCP-914 seems to be drawing a human face.
I'm beginning to believe that my plan has already failed. - Dr. Devant
Input: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 origami helicopter (modeled after a Bell UH-1 Iroquois), the windows are painted on with glittery black ink, the engine compartment is made of red sealing wax. After manually winding the blades the helicopter can fly a short distance in a random direction.
Notes: The candle produced a small spark and puff of smoke. A pair of human ears, a human nose & voluptuous lips were drawn on the paper.
I'm not quite sure what the candle is signaling here, it should just light itself when the seal traverses to another reality, this effect needs further investigation. The face drawn on the tracking papers is too crude to do any facial recognition on, lets see if the Very Fine setting helps. - Dr. Devant
Input: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 wax sealed envelope, addressed to the high school nickname of Dr. Devant, the seal was stamped with a heart symbol. Inside the envelope was a letter of rejection to Dr. Devant, written in black glittery ink. This letter is currently being investigated for cognitohazardous effects.
Notes: The candle was lit. The paper had random scribbles all over. When all five outputs on the papers were overlaid it produced a sketch of ████████ ████████████ (now deceased), a helicopter pilot and former high school romantic interest of Dr. Devant. Dr. Devant has been placed in the psych ward after excessive sobbing and showing of suicidal tendencies.
This one's odd to me. All my experiments so far have conformed to the belief that SCP-914 works via associations of the operator. Unless the good Doctor can tell me otherwise, that doesn't seem to be the case here. I would suggest against using thaumaturgy on 914, it's already weird enough as is. -Researcher K. Midaeus
Test 914-0262
Name: Researcher L. Sheele
Date: 19/10/20██
Total Items: One plastic bowl of various brands of store purchased candy, and one note containing the words "Take three pieces please."
Note - I'm hoping to get something similar to SCP-330, but less… endangering to the trick-or-treaters. -Researcher L. Sheele
Input: Aforementioned candy bowl and note.
Setting: Fine
Output: The same candy bowl and note, but with three pieces removed and set to the floor beside it. The three extracted pieces are unable to be consumed; subjects who attempt to will instead insist they are "for someone else." Remaining pieces show no anomalous properties.
Note 2- You cannot be serious. This thing is just one big clockwork smartass. -Researcher L. Sheele
Input: Previous bowl containing the remaining candy and note attached.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Contents unchanged, no effects apparent until all candy is removed. Once emptied, subjects who observe the bowl will feel excessively compulsed to fill it and will attempt to do so with anything available, including liquids, possessions of significance to the subject, vital organs (if tools capable of incision are provided,) and materials found hazardous to the subject or container. Effects are not present to those who view the object through camera feeds or photographs. Contents of the bowl showed no remarkable properties.
Subject(s): D-33874-914
Provision(s): Original contents of bowl.
Results: Subject's view of the item was obscured and was placed into testing area; contents of bowl removed and placed on a separate table. Upon making eye contact, the subject became visibly distraught and made numerous agitated exclaims about the sight before beginning to fill the bowl with candy. Once this task was completed, the subject resumed in a stable emotional state.
Subject(s): D-33874-914
Provision(s): Approximately one hundred and fifty [REDACTED], provided in a steel container and heated to 73 degrees Celsius.
Results: Subject was set up as before and told to look at the empty bowl, displaying a similar reaction to the previous experiment. After about a minute of this, D-33874 approached the container and attempted to relocate them into the bowl. Subject was successful in removing a total of four [REDACTED], receiving multiple third degree burns to both hands. Subject was detained after attempting to retrieve a fifth orally. A full analysis shows the subject has yet to recover from the effects of the object. The object received significant burns and became warped in several places.
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Note 3: The remaining tests have been removed for brevity. The object has been sent to an anomalous item storage facility and is pending classification, but I think I need to make this clarification here: I would recommend being a lot more cautious in the future regarding testing of objects produced by the "Very Fine" setting of SCP-914. They're hard to manage, harder to predict and even harder to clean up after. That will be all. -Dr. Clarentine.
Test 914-0263
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 25/██/██18
Total Items: One Samsung USB Drive containing a copy of WW2 strategy game "Hearts of Iron 4" (HOI4), one copy of "WW2 tanks and planes", one military strategy essay, one assembled Panzer VIII Model
Input: USB drive, Military Strategy Essay.
Setting: Fine
Output: USB drive now has the letters, HOI5, on the shell. Contents now appear to be a downloadable game similar to HOI4 but including many more aspects not found in original. Essay pages now non-nonsensical, but further testing has revealed that reading through the entire essay gives the reader a grasp of military strategy surpassing that of histories most revered generals. Essay now held in MTF training facility Alpha for training of MTF personnel. USB Drive given to Researcher I. Darby after testing revealed no anomalous effects
Input: Novel on WW2 Tanks and Planes, assembled Panzer VIII model
Setting: Fine
Output: Unassembled Panzer VII model. Testing reveals that model is composed of a plastic paper hybrid. Novel has been refined to an instruction Sheet for the model. Presumed that the novel on WW2 tanks and planes has been refined along with the assembled model to allow for the increase in parts.
Testing on the assembled model reveals no anomalous properties other than a memetic sense of pride upon viewing the assembled model. Object left in staff room for Staff to examine at their leisure.
Test 914-0264
Name: Junior Researcher Gregorius
Date: ██/11/20██
Total Items: Two chessboards, wood with wooden pieces, initial configuration. Two booklets describing the basic rules of chess, in English.
Note - We know what 914 does with a chessboard on 1:1. I wonder what it does on other settings. - Jr. Researcher Gregorius
Input: One chessboard, one booklet
Setting: Fine
Output: One translucent "3D Chess" cube with pieces, one booklet describing the rules of "3D Chess" in 18th century Russian. The cube is made of a cellulose and protein-based aerogel with a wooden base. It is subdivided into 8x8x8 smaller cubes, the sides of which are equal in length to the sides of the fields on the original chessboard. These cubes are alternately light and dark colored. The pieces are made of hollow wood but are identical to the original pieces. Each side has sixty-four pawns, sixteen rooks, knights and bishops, eight queens, and eight kings. The pieces are arranged in columns in the original starting configuration but the booklet describes alternative starting configurations available to the players. The base has controls for highlighting one horizontal or vertical plane of the cube, this lighting operates from two AA-size batteries (not included). This highlight is non-anomalous, using ultrasound emitted from miniature speakers in the base in combination with sound-activated bioluminescent proteins in the aerogel. The total mass of the outputs is identical to the mass of the input items.
The aerogel yields easily to human touch, allowing players to move the pieces. Once the player removes their hand, the gel quickly expands to refill the space left behind retaining the original coloration of the cubes.
The rules described in the booklet are generally a more restrictive extrapolation of normal 2D chess rules when multiple extrapolations would be possible (for example, pawns can still only move in one direction, and bishops need to move in all three dimensions at once).
After sampling the aerogel, the item was assigned to Site-19 breakroom. A translation of the rule booklet is available on the intranet.
Note - due to the large number of pieces and the need to capture 7 out of the 8 kings before the last king can be put into checkmate, the games are expected to take quite long. Prospective players should allocate their break time accordingly. Also, a computer version of the game is available on the intranet if you'd like to practice for the upcoming tournament. - Jr. Researcher Gregorius
Input: One chessboard, one booklet
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One apparently wooden disk with "4D Chess" printed on it, one combined instruction manual and rule booklet in contemporary Navajo transcribed in Greek script.
When two players touch the disk simultaneously, an image of a four-dimensional hypercube is projected into their minds. The pieces inside the hypercube are arranged in a way similar to the 3D version. The players can move the pieces with mental commands. While touching the disk, they can conceptualize and visualize the four-dimensional space as easily as they would a normal three-dimensional space. This ability only lasts as long as they are touching the game but isn't limited to the game space. The rules of the game are similar to those of the 3D version.
Item assigned to Site-19 breakroom.
I'd like to requisition this item to help in my higher-dimensional topology research - Jr. Researcher C███████.
Granted. Just return it to the breakroom when you're finished - O5-██
Test 914-0265
Name: Dr. Einen
Date: 01/05/2018
Total Items: One container filled with 20mg of tears. One clay doll resembling a wide-eyed child.
Input: Both previously mentioned items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Object has the appearance of the original doll, but with the capability to move around. When agitated, it appears to be able to shoot out 'tears' from it's supposed eyes. Object neutralized after being exposed to a small wooden replica of a cross.
I just wanted to know what would happen, the game is damn fun - Dr. Einen
Again, please try not to create anything that might become living. I’m not saying that you were intentionally trying to create █████, but really? -Dr. Nome
Test 914-0266
Name: Dr.█████
Date: 27/10/2018
Total Items: Four 2018 Gregorian calendars.
Input: One 2018 Gregorian calendar.
Setting: Rough
Output: Pile of calendar cards.
Input: One 2018 Gregorian calendar.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 2019 Julian calendar.
Input: One 2018 Gregorian calendar.
Setting: Fine
Output: One calendar with days and months in seemingly random order. In some cases days have been added.
Test 914-0267
Name: Researcher K. Midaeus
Date: 04/11/2018
Total Items: Six brass three-axis gyroscopes. All operators have varied opinions of 914, which have been listed alongside the individual tests.
Doctor Anton and others have claimed repeatedly that 914 hates them. SCP-914 is almost certainly non-sentient, but let's see what the same experiments can result in between subjects. -Researcher K. Midaeus
Input: One brass gyroscope
Operator: D-58312-914 (former member of the GoI-004 "The Church of the Broken God")
Setting: Fine
Output: Brass mechanism of unknown purpose, functions as a clock in some regards. The object is covered with mekanite symbols.
Input: One brass gyroscope
Operator: Researcher K. Midaeus (Visiting Researcher for the purpose of testing SCP-914)
Setting: Fine
Output: Gyroscope of similar make and design. Brass has separated into copper sections and zinc-tin alloy. The efficiency of the gyroscope is increased to 90%
Input: One brass gyroscope
Operator: Junior Researcher A. Smithe (Temporary assistant to Researcher Midaeus)
Setting: Fine
Output: One brass gyroscope, of significantly more artistic design. No significant functional differences are noted.
Input: One brass gyroscope
Operator: D-31589-914 (Technophobic, specifically towards complex mechanisms)
Setting: Fine
Output: One simple brass spinner toy. D-31589-914 appeared significantly more comfortable holding the toy than a gyroscope.
Input: One brass gyroscope
Operator: Researcher █████ (Previously injured by heavy machinery, exhibits signs of PTSD)
Setting: Fine
Output: Several broken pieces of brass. One piece, in particular, produced a calming effect when viewed, and has been given to Researcher █████ to help alleviate their condition.
Input: One Brass gyroscope
Operator: Doctor Anton (Hume Analyst, exhibits slight hatred toward SCP-914)
Setting: Fine
Output: One Brass gyroscope, that will, regardless of position, always points towards Dr. Anton. Object destroyed by request of Dr. Anton.
Note: Is this a joke? That is… Very creepy. Someone get rid of it!! -Dr. Anton
Test 914-0268
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 05:11:2018
Total Items: One textbook, one fantasy trilogy, one sci-Fi novel
Input: One textbook
Setting: Coarse
Output: One textbook, the textbook has been defaced with a marker, specific references include crude drawings of organs, coarse language, and scribbles. Testing has revealed that the textbook when held introduces a sense of disgust.
Input: One fantasy trilogy
Setting: 1:1
Output: One set of religious texts
Well this was, unexpected, does 914 mean that the novels are gospel or the gospel is fantasy?
- Research I. Darby
Input: One Sci-Fi novel
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Starship made of paper, exactly as described in a personal copy of the novel owned by Researcher Darby. When approached by D-Class personnel starship levitated to a height of 1 meter, flew 3 meters forward and proceeded to land and send out miniature caricatures of personnel described in the novel. Starship has been contained and awaiting possible SCP clearance by O5 personnel due to similarity to SCP-587.
Test 914-0269
Name: V. Rider
Date: 05/11/2018
Total Items: Five copies of SCP-2140, laser-printed in black ink on BASILISK standard waterproof paper, size A4.
Input: One copy of SCP-2140.
Setting: Rough
Output: One copy of an SCP-2140-1 instance, determined (via piecemeal analysis) to be SCP-2140-1-D, printed approximating the appearance of blood on vellum (with the elements available). The instance was reported destroyed.
Input: One copy of SCP-2140.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One copy of an SCP-2140-1 instance, determined (via piecemeal analysis) to be SCP-2140-1-G4 ink-jet printed on commercial quality recycled Size A paper. This instance is theorized to retroactively cause a craving for fast-food quesadillas. The instance was reported destroyed.
Input: One copy of SCP-2140.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of an SCP-2140-1 instance, determined (via piecemeal analysis) to be SCP-2140-1-CI. The instance was laser-printed in black ink on BASILISK standard waterproof paper, size A4. The instance was initially reported destroyed but was later determined missing; current location is unknown.
Input: One copy of SCP-2140.
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of an SCP-2140-1 instance, determined (via piecemeal analysis) to be SCP-2140-1-U3, image embedded in flexible composite sheet, Size A4. Subtle differences from known SCP-2140-U glyphs indicate a high probability that this instance causes retroactive loyalty to the current UNGOC director, as an individual, rather than to the organization as a whole. The instance was reported destroyed.
Input: One copy of SCP-2140.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One IBM 5081 punch card, printed on standard card stock. The card contains a digital equivalent of a minimal SCP-2140-1 instance designed to be machine-readable. The instance was reported destroyed.
No record exists of any formal permission requested, granted, or denied for these tests. — Agent Vanessa Rider.
Test 914-0270
Name: Researcher Westrin
Date: 07/11/2018
Total Items: 150 glass cups filled with strawberry jelly.
Input: 50 glass cups filled with strawberry jelly.
Setting: Rough
Output: A large pile of glass shards and strawberry jelly.
Input: 50 glass cups filled with strawberry jelly.
Setting: 1:1
Output: 50 cups made of hardened strawberry jelly filled with melted glass.
Input: 50 glass cups filled with strawberry jelly.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A glass item that resembles an exact replica of a human skull, filled with strawberry jelly.
Note: When the glass skull was created, it managed to move its "jaw" and vocalized the word "squish" before becoming inert again. - Researcher Westrin
Test 914-0271
Name: Dr. Garber
Date: 07/11/2018
Total Items: Two Generic brand analog alarm-clocks
Input: One aforementioned clock
Setting: Rough
Output: disassembled alarm clock
Input: One aforementioned clock
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One alarm clock. when activated, the clock produced a ringing sound at 150 decibels, causing permanent hearing damage to present subject, D-5567-1, who activated the device.
Input: Output of "Very Fine" test
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One alarm clock visually identical to the previous. The object was moved to a soundproof acoustics chamber for safer testing. Subject D-8639-1 was instructed to activate the alarm clock. Upon activation, a frequency of ███,███ Hz was detected by use of a parabolic microphone. While no personnel were harmed, as protected by soundproof walls and glass, Subject D-8639-1 shook violently in place before collapsing. The following autopsy revealed that the subject's brain had been completely liquefied.
Could be a useful sound-grenade -Dr. Garber
Test 914-0272
Name: Researcher Talloran
Date: 22/03/2017
Total Items: One Scranton Reality Anchor
Input: One Scranton Reality Anchor
Setting: Fine
Output: No change.
Due to the inherent danger of SRAs they have not been cleared for usage in any other tests with SCP-914 outside of emergency protocols. We do however now know if it decides to get rid of us SRAs can stop it. - Agent [REDACTED]
This gives me an idea… -Sr. Researcher Teresea
Test 914-0273
Name: Researcher Murray
Date: 21/12/2017
Total Items: Three pairs of Christmas stockings, bearing the face of Santa Claus.
Input: One pair of Christmas stockings
Setting: 1:1
Output: Stockings remain nearly identical, with the only discernible difference being the face of Santa Claus, which is replaced by a large Red Kangaroo (Macropus rufus) driving a utility truck, with the phrase "Have an Aussie Christmas!" woven into the fabric.
Note: I don't know if this is making fun of my nationality, or your guys' nationality. Either way, I'm stumped. - Researcher Murray.
Input: One pair of Christmas stockings
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pair of off-color red stockings with poorly woven cotton. The face of Santa is replaced with a crude drawing of a stick figure with a Christmas hat, riding a surfboard. The phrase "AuSSIE ChriSTmas Is HeRe.[sic]" is woven into the back with black cotton.
Note: Not what I expected, but not really surprised by it either. - Researcher Murray.
Input: One pair of Christmas stockings
Setting: Fine
Output: A cotton vinyl containing the entire music collection from the band "Bucko & Champs", with songs containing themes of Christmas underlined with red lines woven into the fabric.
Note: If I can get this working, that would be awesome! Anyone want this on in the break room? - Researcher Murray.
Test 914-0274
Name: Assistant Researcher Kendrick
Date: 23/10/2018
Total Items: Twenty cents in pennies.
Input: Twenty cents in pennies
Setting: Fine
Output: A sculpture of former US President Abraham Lincoln.
Test 914-0275
Name: Researcher Harris
Date: 11/10/2018
Total Items: One standard 12-inch steel ruler.
Input: One Ruler
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A ruler that can tell the length of any object it is set upon in inches. The ruler then messages how long said object it is placed upon by sending a text message to the person who placed it on the objects' phone, if the person who placed the ruler has no phone, they will receive a letter with the length of the measured item within the next hour, regardless of where they are, and who they are. Both the text message and the letter say that they come from "unknown contact" and are sent from the coordinates of the ruler at the time the object was measured. Attempts to trace the contact have resulted in the location of the ruler.
Note: This is surprisingly useful. -Researcher Harris
Test 914-0276
Name: Chief Security Officer Wright
Date: 11/10/2018
Total Items: Three copies of a heavily censored document of an interrogation.
Note: Let's see if this can perform data retrieval. - Chief Security Officer Wright
Input: One censored document.
Setting: 1:1
Output: The black bars that censor the document had been scrambled around the document.
Input: One censored document.
Setting: Fine
Output: Entire pages of the document is covered in ink. Each page also illustrates a lock symbol.
Input: One censored document.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Pages were fused together and the front page is entirely black except for an illustration of a hand. When one with Level 3 or above credentials places their hand on it, the pages would be no longer fused. Then all the uncensored data can be accessed.
Note: Well, not what I expected, but interesting. - Chief Security Officer Wright
Test 914-0277
Name: Dr. Lefèvre‑Gineau
Date: 12/11/2018
Total Items: Five copies of the International Prototype of the Kilogram (IPK), these metal cylinders are made of a platinum-iridium alloy at a 9 to 1 ratio. These (soon to be obsolete) weights are used as the standard to define the kilogram.
Input: One IPK
Setting: Rough
Output: One 902.36g cube of platinum & One 97.64g sphere of iridium.
Input: One IPK
Setting: Coarse
Output: One platinum-iridium alloy meteorite, when cut in half the meteorite showed a Widmanstätten pattern.
Normally the Widmanstätten pattern would not form in a platinum-iridium based meteorite. The sight is mesmerizing though - Dr. Lefèvre‑Gineau
Input: One IPK
Setting: 1:1
Output: One platinum-iridium alloy rod precisely 1 meter long with a diameter of roughly 3.88mm.
Input: One IPK
Setting: Fine
Output: One square platinum plate with an iridium "antenna" protruding on its far side. The plate has a radial meter embossed on its center ranging from 0 to 5, from its center protrudes an iridium needle pointing towards the "one" position. This needle moves to higher & lower positions when the device is pointed toward anomalous phenomena. No interior parts have been found.
I believe this device to be a hume-meter of some kind, however, it responds to anomalous objects in different ways than a standard Foundation hume-meter, as if it's measuring true reality compared to relative reality. - Dr. Lefèvre‑Gineau
Input: One IPK
Setting: Very fine
Output: One platinum weighing mass with tapered handle & ornate embossments of the phrase "1 kilogram" in various languages. X-ray imaging of the device showed an internal space filled with iridium metal parts moving continuously and chaotically. Its anomalous effect is made apparent when the "weight" is placed on the surface of an object that is not fastened to the ground in some way, this object will now weigh exactly one kilogram regardless of local gravity or acceleration. The object behaves like a regular weighing mass when used on a balance scale.
I recommend using magnetic boots when carrying this weight, walking whilst weighing only one kilo has proven to be very difficult. Dr. Lefèvre‑Gineau
Test 914-0278
Name: Dr. Anton
Note: Given the nature of each of these tests, each of these tests is being done by a D-class with high IQ and knowledge of each fractal used. -Dr. Anton
Date: 12/11/2018
Total items: 4 kg of iron, various illustrations of increasingly complex fractals.
Input: One kg iron, an illustration of Sierpinski Triangle
Setting: 1:1
Output: a 1-kilogram ''triforce'' symbol. Paper depicts an accurate drawing of Link.
Note: This… is not what I wanted. Let's get another class-D -Dr. Anton
Input: One kg iron, an illustration of Cantor Dust
Setting: 1:1
Output: An accurate depiction of a brain, in iron A pile of iron dust. Upon Dr. Anton removing the output, it began to disintegrate rapidly. Paper depicted no change.
Note:D-7463 reported extreme migraines and was sent to the infirmary.
Input: One kg iron, an illustration of Koch snowflake
Setting: 1:1
Output: A massive plume of iron dust was ejected from the output booth, raining down over D-3659. D-3659 is sent to the infirmary with Metal Fume Fever. Containment chamber decontaminated before next test.
Note: This… is not going to plan. Does this thing think I'm stupid?? After this next test, I'm not going to try any of this mind-games stuff again. -Dr. Anton
Input: One kg iron, an illustration of Mandelbrot set
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flat iron plate, depicting the ██████-████████ cognitohazard. The depiction was engraved, and poorly drawn, to the point where the effect (immediate blindness) failed to manifest. The object was removed by cognitohazard containment teams. Paper depicts several incomprehensible scribbles.
Note: Nope. That's it. I'm done with this stuff. I don't care what you guys say about this thing, being non-sentient, this thing hates me!! -Dr. Anton
Note: Dr. Anton has been sent to the psychiatric ward for a mental rehabilitation program. All future testers are required to have appropriate psychiatric wellness documentation on file. -05-█
Note: This wasn't a rule before that? - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0279
Name: Doctor Xythinien
Date: 12/11/2018
Total Items: Three copies of SCP-███'s document (see Recovered Documents section), two of which have been significantly altered.
Input: One copy of SCP-███'s document, except that the description of SCP-███'s creation has been removed.
Setting: Rough
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED], causing a mass containment breach.
Input: One copy of SCP-███'s document that is completely unchanged.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One human skull engraved "In the Name of the Church". One constantly turning cog was found within the brain cavity, and the original "Origin" section was also discovered, seemingly discarded and crumpled up, within the mouth of the skull. The object is currently contained in a secure storage locker in Site-64.
Input: One copy of SCP-███'s document that is missing any data relating to the Foundation.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Approximately thirty red Foundation berets with a gray Foundation logo on the top.
Note: The berets were evenly distributed among security personnel. Replication of the berets is available upon request. One's in my personal storage area, by the way.
-Doctor Xythinien
Test 914-0280
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 13/11/2018
Total Items: Three various superhero graphic novels, 3kg of iron filings.
Note: I want to continue my testing on 914's tendencies in interacting with written works, I believe I am beginning to see a pattern. - Researcher I. Darby
Input: Superhero graphic novel [Spiderman], 1kg of iron filings.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Unchanged Graphic novel now in Russian and is now called ''Spider of Stalin''. Iron filings have changed into steel.
Note: Translation of the novel into English shows that the word Stalin means "Steel" - Researcher I. Darby
Input: Superhero graphic novel [Iron Man], 1kg of iron filings.
Setting: Fine
Output: One small Iron doll of ''Iron Man'' with several advanced features (Lasers, Phone charging, speech, etc.), the graphic novel has changed into an instruction sheet on how to use said features.
Input: Superhero graphic novel [Batman], 1kg of iron filings.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small toy ''Joker'' as described in the novel. When retrieval was attempted the miniature Joker attacked Researcher Darby and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Object successfully neutralized with only minor injuries and the loss of Researcher I. Darby's pride.
In the future I'm letting the D-Class Personnel retrieve objects, that can never happen again. - Researcher I. Darby
Test 914-0281
Name: Asst. Researcher Martha
Note: After reading about how someone played a game of chess against SCP-914, I want to see how well it can perform. -Martha
Date: 13/11/2018
Total Items: One complete chess set
Input: Chess set, set up in the beginning position
Setting: 1:1
Output: Same as Input, with white pawn moved to legal position.
Input: Chess set, set up as in output, with black pawn moved to a legal position
Setting: 1:1
Output: Same as Input, with another white pawn moved to legal position.
[logs 3-56 expunged for brevity]
Input: Chess set, set up as in previous output, rook moved to legal position.
Note: Checkmate move.
Setting: 1:1
Output: chess pieces are arranged all throughout the output booth, orientation suggests chessboard was thrown.
Note: Well, looks like SCP-914 is mad. Better go before something happens. - Asst. Researcher Martha
Test 914-0282
Name: Sr. Researcher Teresa
Note: Following Researcher Talloran's test using a Scranton Reality Anchor, This is a test to see if SCP-914 will work in the presence of an SRA. - Sr. Researcher Teresa
Date: 14/11/2018
Total Items: Three Kilograms of Iron
Input: One Kilogram of Iron
Distance of SRA: 10 Meters
Setting: Very Fine
Output: No change Output iron has the memetic property that anyone who views it believes it is completely indestructible and refuses to try to break it. testing using an automated rig shows no abnormal physical properties.
Note: Not really abnormal, given other outputs. Let's move it closer. - Teresa
Input: One Kilogram of Iron
Distance to SRA: 3 meters
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large iron box, weighing one Kilogram. when out of range of a Scranton Reality Anchor, a large Pocket dimension forms within the box, with size in excess of 1000 meters cubed. Any object put in the box will not affect the box's weight. When brought in proximity to a Reality Anchor, The space disappears, destroying whatever is inside.
Note: Request Permission to use as my personal trash can? -Teresa
Note: Denied. We're not going to waste a Reality Anchor to destroy one person's paperwork. - Dr. Veritas
Input: One Kilogram of Iron
Distance to SRA: SRA is directly attached to the exterior of SCP-914.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: No change.
Note: Well, that was a sudden drop-off in abnormality. I'll need to do more testing with this. -Teresa
Test 914-0283
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 15/11/2018
Total Items: Small pile of various brass munitions shells weighing roughly one fifth (1/5) kg
Input: One fifth kg brass shells
Setting: Fine
Output: Ornate brass pocket watch of equal weight to input material. Upon winding, the watch did not appear to function. When Jr. Researcher Stan expressed dismay to this, SCP-914's input booth opened automatically and the settings dial switched to 1:1.
Note: I think it wants it back. Did it mess up or something? - Stan
Input: One brass pocket watch
Setting: 1:1
Output: Functioning watch that ticks in a three-second interval.
Note: Can I keep this? It's pretty. -Stan
Test 914-0284
Name: Researcher Chára
Date:16/11/2018
Total Items: a bowl of sand and iron flakes.
Note: Just a simple test to see if SCP-914 can do simple tasks.
Input: Above materials
Setting: 1:1
Output: All iron in the bowl became magnetized, sticking to the edge of the output booth.
Note: Researcher Chara has been banned from using SCP-914. It took the Janitorial staff 3 hours and a blowtorch to remove all the iron flakes. -Chief Security Officer Wright
Test 914-0285
Name: Assistant Researcher Maryam
Date: 11/14/2018
Total Items: Three 9-Centimeter Steel cubes
Input: One 9-Centimeter Steel cube
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 3-Centimeter Diamond Cylinder, One 6-Centimeter Iron Cylinder
Well, this was a first, I was expecting copper or a metal, not a complete separation of carbon and Iron - Asst. Researcher Maryam
Input: One 9-Centimeter Steel Cube, One Cockroach (Cockroach Entered 914 when the Operator started SCP-914)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Inanimate 9-Centimeter Steel Cockroach, when tested the steel cockroach could not be damaged by any force acting upon it. When Raw metal is introduced to cockroach it will activate and consume said metal creating an exact replica with the same properties.
Placed in storage for future examination and Assistant Researcher Maryam and Janitorial staff have been reprimanded for lack of caution.
When I say that cockroach slip through the closing door of the Input booth, well, I thought we were all goners, - Ex-Assistant Researcher Maryam
Close Examination of the 914 Containment Chamber reveals a 2-Centimeter crack behind the input chamber of 914. Remote examination of the crack shows that it leads to the sewage lines of the facility. The crack was due to be repaired the next day and has been sealed by remaining janitorial staff. - Site Manager Hackett
Test 914-0286
Name: Researcher Daniel
Date: 18/11/2018
Total Items: One Standard Foundation Tracking Device, Six (6) AA Batteries
Note: Before the test, subject D-4936 was given these devices, which were receiving signals from tracking devices near SCPs. The intention for this test is to try and create an SCP tracker.
Input: One Standard Foundation Tracking Device
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Fine
Output: One Improved Tracking Device. When loaded with batteries and pointed at an SCP it will emit a beeping noise that will speed up with proximity. The batteries go flat after five minutes of operation.
It actually worked, albeit for short periods. Attempting to improve. -Researcher Daniel
Input: One Improved Tracking Device, Three AA Batteries
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Fine
Output: One Improved Tracking Device. Battery life increased to thirty minutes
Still too short. Let's try one more time. I don't understand why so many people are complaining about 914. -Researcher Daniel
Input: One Improved Tracking Device, Three AA Batteries
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Fine
Output: One Improved Tracking Device. Upon the Output booth opening, it attached itself to the booth wall and made a loud blaring noise. The object was unable to be removed from the wall of the booth. Attempts to destroy the object without causing damage to SCP-914 resulted in failures. Despite not being able to remove it, the tracker could be slid along the walls. The object was then slid out of the Output booth, across SCP-914 and into the Intake booth.
Input: One Improved Tracking Device
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Rough
Output: Burnt pile of metal and plastic
Finally shut that thing up! -Researcher Daniel
Note: Researcher Daniel was reprimanded for his carelessness and admitted to the medbay for an aspirin. -Senior Researcher Brad
Note: Why am I surrounded by complete imbeciles? - Veritas
Test 914-0287
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 18/11/2018
Total Items: Five gallons industrial strength degreaser, One gallon industrial strength rust remover, One gallon industrial engine lubricant, One handwritten note reading “Use these supplies to give yourself a tune-up”
Note: Let’s see if I can give 914 a tune-up. Who knows how long it’s been since it last had one?
Input: All of the above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A foul-smelling mixture of the aforementioned degreaser and lubricant. Analysis reveals substantial amounts of rust, ash, and soot. The note is unreadable due to being completely blackened. One small metal and a plastic statue of Maintenance Technician Johnson holding a wrench and standing in a gallant pose. Statue has memetic properties leading to viewers gaining an intense urge to give M.T. Johnson either a promotion or a pay raise, whichever would lead to him getting paid more. This effect lasts for an average of two hours after viewing. Moved to secure containment.
Note: Now every pay raise or promotion I could ever possibly receive is going to be treated as a possible containment breach. Great. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Note: The cleanup took 2 bloody hours. Remind me to take the clearance of the next technician that tries this without conferring with a senior researcher first. - Veritas
Test 914-0288
Name: Dr. Garber
Date: 20/11/2018
Total Items: One Lb. of purple stress putty, Four Fender brand guitar picks
Input: 1/3 Lb. of purple stress putty
Setting: 1:1
Output: A clump of multicolored stress putty with a density of three times the input
Input: 1/3 Lb. of purple stress putty
Setting: Fine
Output: A detailed, although downsized sculpture of SCP-173
Note: The sculpture shows no signs of sapience or automation. It should be noted that the putty has taken a consistency of concrete, and therefore hasn't collapsed due to the normal viscosity of putty.
Input: 1/3 Lb. of purple stress putty, Four Fender brand Guitar picks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A living, amoeba-like cluster of putty. The object is capable of moving at speeds up to 1 km/h, and is generally friendly. The object appears to have guitar picks growing out in all directions, and appear to act as sensory organs. The object has regenerative properties to an astounding degree, surviving point-blank .50 caliber rounds, the only consequence being minor deformation, which was quickly undone. Further testing is currently underway, and a possible SCP classification may be warranted.
Note: But… it's just so precious… -Dr. Garber
Test 914-0289
Name: Dr. George Albertson
Date: 20/11/2018
Total Items: A calculator, a sheet of paper, a pen, and a small box of mechanical parts.
Input: All the above-mentioned items.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A poorly created automaton which broke into pieces when trying to move. The sheet of paper had a question mark written on it.
NOTE: Not sure what to take away from this. Is it trying to be defiant? -Dr. Albertson
Test 914-0290
Name: Sr. Researcher Teresa
Date: 21/11/2018
Total Items: six kg iron
Note: More testing of Reality Anchors-Teresa
Input: One kg iron
Setting: Fine
SRA distance: 5 meters
Output: A small version of a Scranton reality Anchor. the object appeared to work, changing baseline reality to 5 humes, but suffered an electrical failure after 30 minutes of testing.
Note: Welp, I think it is a bad idea to have someone who knows the test doing this. It's too biased. A D-class, D-5827, will perform the rest of these tests, with no knowledge of the testing.-Teresa
Input: One kg iron
Setting: Fine
SRA distance: 4 meters
Output: An intricate clock, depicting a time system not in use, with 15-hour days, and 3-day weeks.
Input: One kg iron
Setting: Very Fine
SRA distance: 3 meters
Output: a 500-gram "containment cube", highly resistant to high temperature, with a powerful magnetic field, toggled by a button on the side of the cube. a 500-gram dodecahedron of iron is present in the center, rotating quickly.
Input: One kg iron
Setting: Very fine
SRA distance: 2 meters
Output: a working, miniature replica of a piano.
Note: It seems that the complexity of the object gets increasingly less complex as the SRA is moved closer. If that is the case, this next test will show up as if it was 1:1-Teresa
Input: One kg iron
Setting: Very Fine
SRA distance: 1 meter
Output: A "matryoshka" figure, the outer layer is an icosahedron, the second is a dodecahedron, etc. the final layer is a sphere, weighing only 20 g.
Note: It appears I was close. What about the "Rough" setting?-Teresa
Input: One kg iron
Setting: Rough
SRA distance: 1 meter
Output: A pile of iron dust, in the shape of a cube, heated to 200 degrees centigrade. D-5827 suffered second-degree burns. Dust was disposed of.
Note: I'm putting a temporary stop to testing with SRAs, to combat the probability of the body count being higher than the number of tests. Where the hell did everyone get them anyway? They're not cheap. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0291
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 21/11/2018
Total Items: Three uncooked turkeys, one carved pumpkin, Two packets of spices.
1
Input: One uncooked turkey
Setting: Coarse
Output: Turkey has been broken into pieces divided into dark meat and white meat. Turkey pieces while in transit to testing were misplaced and have not been found, Researcher I. Darby was found sleeping in his office several hours afterwards.
Input: One uncooked turkey
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three Uncooked Turkey TV-Dinners. Close examination show that the containers are made of turkey bone, while the film over the food was the skin of the turkey.
Output: One uncooked turkey, one packet of spices
Setting: Fine
Output: One cooked turkey covered in herbs and spices, smell was reportedly very appetizing.
Lost while being transferred to nearest Laboratory for testing and examination, Researcher I. Darby was unavailable for comment. - Site Manager Gooble-Gooble
Input: One carved pumpkin, one packet of spices
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One pumpkin shaped object, examination shows that introducing baking materials into the inside will after a period of several hours create a pie made of those materials.
Researcher I. Darby was extremely annoyed that the expected result, a pumpkin pie, did not occur.
Requesting Researcher I. Darby be punished for use of SCP-914 unnecessarily. -Dr. Calloway
Look who's talking? -Dr. Ricardo
Test 914-0292
Name: Dr. S. Pider
Date: 23/11/2018
Total Items: One deck of cards, Two solitaire instruction manuals
Input: One deck of cards, One Solitaire instruction manual
Setting: 1:1
Output: One deck of cards, One shredded Solitaire instruction manual. Cards came flying out of the output chamber at 30m/s in random directions, giving Dr. Rider a number of papercuts in the process. Each card also left a trail of shredded paper, later determined to be the Solitaire manual, behind it.
Notes: Intriguing. I'm going to set up a camera and try again. - Dr. Pider
Input: Same as previous test
Setting: 1:1
Note: Dr. Pider left the room before the output door opened
Output: Same as previous test. Camera footage reveals that the deck was arranged into four stacks of thirteen cards in order from ace to king for 0.5 seconds before launching.
Notes: Going to try other games later. - Dr. Pider
Test 914-0293
Name: Senior Engineer Andrew J.
Date: 26/11/2018
Total Items: Four iMac computers produced by the Apple company.
Input: One iMac computer
Setting: Coarse
Output: A collection of randomly assorted electronics and plastics belonging to the object.
Input: One iMac computer
Setting: 1:1
Output: A Microsoft PC of the same size and color, but a different assortment of electronics. Trying to power the PC on caused a short circuit (which affected all electronics, rendering the computer useless).
Input: One iMac computer
Setting: Fine
Output: There were no external changes made to the iMac. However, the iMac had 1 Petabyte worth of free disk space. The object is undergoing further examination.
Input: One iMac computer
Setting: Very Fine
Output: There were no external changes made to the iMac. There was only one .txt file on the computer, titled "Words_Of_The_Prophet.txt". Accessing the file resulted in [REDACTED]. The object is undergoing further examination.
Test 914-0294
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan
Date: 26/11/2018
Total Items: One lego "Building" constructed by Jr. Researcher Stan, made of legos of varying size and color.
Input: One lego building
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of disassembled legos, some of which had been melted. Upon collection by Jr. Researcher Stan, he accidentally dropped a brick and stepped on it. The legos have been determined to be anomalously damaging to feet, and Stan is currently undergoing medical treatment.
Note: And here I was thinking I liked this thing. -Jr. Researcher Stan
Haven't you been paying attention? That's exactly when it gets you. Cheeky bastard. -Researcher K. Midaeus
WARNING: MEMETIC CORRUPTION DETECTED. DATA MAY BE COMPROMISED.
Test 914-0295
Name: Researcher Westrin
Date: 26/11/2018
Total Items: Five Class-5 Neuromemetic Gylphs carved into stone slabs.
Input: One Neuromemetic Glyph carved onto a stone slab
Setting: Rough
Output: [DATA LOST]
Note: I needed to get a mop to clean it up, yeesh. -Researcher Westrin
Input: One Neuromemetic Glyph carved onto a stone slab
Setting: Coarse
Output: [DATA LOST]
Note: What I'm seeing is decently normal, yet I still feel the need to vomit. -Researcher Westrin
Input: One Neuromemetic Glyph carved onto a stone slab
Setting: 1:1
Output: [DATA LOST]
Note: I feel pregnant. -Researcher Westrin
Input: One Neuromemetic Glyph carved onto a stone slab
Setting: Fine
Output: [DATA LOST]
Note: I need medical assistance as soon as possible. -Researcher Westrin
Input: One Neuromemetic Glyph carved onto a stone slab
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA LOST]
Note: He smells like cooked trout. -Researcher Westrin
Test 914-0296
Name: Researcher Breole
Date: 28/11/2018
Total Items: 5 rolls of generic Christmas wrapping paper
Input: One roll of wrapping paper
Setting: Rough
Output: A mix of pulp from both the cardboard tube and paper, puddle of mixed ink
Input: One roll of wrapping paper
Setting: Course
Output: One unrolled sheet of cardboard, a pile of paper, and separated puddles of ink
Input: One roll of wrapping paper
Setting: 1:1
Output: One roll of Hanukkah themed wrapping paper
Input: One roll of wrapping paper
Setting: Fine
Output: Roll of wrapping paper visually identical to input. Roll was discovered to be easily cut without hassle
Input: One roll of wrapping paper
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One anatomically correct Christmas tree. Trunk and branches are made of cardboard, while the needles are composed of the paper itself. Objects placed under the tree were found to be wrapped when object is not observed.
Note: Testing determined this effect was temporary, as the wrapping paper originated from the tree itself, which ran out rather quickly. This does give me some ideas though… -Researcher Breole
Test 914-0297
Name: Researcher Heather
Date: 29/11/2018
Total Items: One standard Foundation field anomalous object container.
Input: One field anomalous object container.
Setting: Fine
Output: A metal container with dimensions identical to an anomalous object container. The locking mechanism was comprised of a set of rotating wheels with symbols engraved on them, functioning similar to a combination lock. Testing showed that after being opened, the set of symbols needed to open the container would change, with no pattern being found.
Test 914-0298
Name: Dr. Day
Date: 30/11/2018
Total Items: 4 broken pens.
Input: 1 broken pen
Setting: 1:1
Output: A mechanical pencil with what appeared to be a plastic cartridge. melted into ink when Dr. Day tried to retrieve it.
Note: God dammit, [Data Smudged] hands [Data Smudged] with ink -Day
Input: 1 broken pen
Setting: Fine
Output: A pen that is always activated. Changes to a new color every time the button is pressed.
Welp, the pen I was using to write this report broke. Hopefully 914 made this one indestructible as well. -Day
Input: 1 broken pen
Setting: Fine
Output: An ornate fountain pen. The ink is imbued in the outer case. Ink cartridge is empty.
Note: Great job, great freaking job, 914. -Day
Input: 1 broken pen
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pen that will write down everything that is said in the general vicinity, of about 3 meters.
Note: This is great! Now I don't have to write! Hey, Dayman, you can't use that, we don't know what properties it has.
Note: All my pens are broken.
Note: I will see if we can get you some more pens, Dayman.
Note: Can't I use it to finish writing this report first? And don't call me Dayman. Wait, did it just record everything we said? Yes, apparent- -Pen
Test 914-0299
Name: Jr. Researcher Stan +1 crutch
Date: 30/11/2018
Total Items: 1 X-Sponge
Input: 1 X-Sponge
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA X-SPONGED]
Note: ████? ██ ████ ███ █████████! -Jr Researcher Stan
Note: Jr Researcher Stan spent the next two hours in the showers. Don't mess with X-Sponges, people. -Dr. Veritas